I have traveled the whole Philippines end to end and 90 percent of the time I was lost.
I do take self-portraits… do not confuse the two. Although the “selfie” is a subset of the self-portrait, there are stark differences. A selfie is done either by extending one’s hand or by using a “selfie-stick”. While a self-portrait is often taken on a timer on a tripod or some kind stabilizer often at a distance from the subject with a lot of effort.
When your’e wet, in the middle of nowhere and you haven’t seen a single soul for hours. You sometimes have to ask yourself “What’s the point in all of this?”. Is there really a point in travelling the whole country on a motorcycle spending your hard earned money without knowing what exactly you are going to get back?
I go back to those moments from time to time, specially when I’m feeling down, tired and seemingly unable to find time to continue this project. I question my actions and my time spent on No Barriers Just Horizons. It’s been years now since I started this project. I have spent countless hours trying to write, edit, build and maintain the project. But for what? When I could easily just have spent all those hours on something else that can generate income.
A couple of weeks ago the website went down, I have forgotten to pay the hosting fee which is 4,000 php. I didn’t put it back up immediately, instead I waited a couple of weeks. I had to think about it, if making the site live again is really the right option to take. Then I remembered all the stories that I have written, I have no back-ups of those. I felt that it would be a waste to just leave it there. So I opted to pay the 4,000 php to get it back, copy all of the posts so I can store them somewhere safe and accessible.
When I get into something it’s always all in or nothing. When I did the PH tour, everything I had was in that motorcycle. I had no savings, no insurance and was in debt. In an event of an accident, I have accepted that everything would end there. That’s why it is hard for me to see this project not progressing as much as I had hoped. I feel like I haven’t given it my all and that means I should just end it.
I have thought of quitting at different moments during that 2 month ride, but for some reason I carried on. I pushed through even though I was not sure what was in store for me on the other side. Why? I think it has to do with “owning” something. I think deep down inside we all want to “own” something. Something that we can shout to the world “I fucking did it… all of it.” I did not do this because of work, an audience, an advocacy or from some external pressure. I just wanted to create an experience for myself that I created, saw through and accomplished.
I work in the creative field. It’s pretty much impossible to call something your own, it’s always a collaboration. More times that not you are creating something for someone else’s vision. It’s alway driven by an outside force, might be a market demand, a boss, a client or a director. You do have an imprint but most often than not it disappears from the grand scheme of things.
The same drive to “own” an experience during the PH tour is the same drive that I’m currently going back to. No Barriers Just Horizons is something that I can proudly say my own. I created it and I have to see it through… but for how long? I don’t think I can answer that yet. For now, I think the most sustainable approach is to let the project flow organically and see where it goes.
I recently had a conversation with a friend that me and JC had, he is now working at the admitting section of a tertiary hospital, he told me that 94% of the motorcycle that they admit are caused by self accident. A huge percentage of that is due to alcohol intoxication while riding.
There’s a reason I don’t attend motorcycle related events that often. Once you have been to one it feels like you have been to all of them. It usually goes like this, loud music in a small area with bored half naked women either sitting or standing beside a gorgeous motorcycle surrounded by sober to not so sober men.
I got a text message from one of my friends late at night. He is one of those people that would only message you if it’s really important. I know that this is something that I should give attention to, I looked at my phone and read the message. It was short and direct and it said “JC is gone.” At first I was confused, there are a couple of JC’s that we both know and I was not sure who he was referring to and what he meant by the word “gone”. I decided to call him up to clarify what the message meant, after 3 rings he picked up and told me which “JC” he was referring to, then the call ended.
I rarely get a message on Instagram. What’s more unusual was, it was a lady that looked like a model. Honestly, at first I was hesitant to even open the message, scams and bots typically use images of beautiful women to entice you to click on a link. The next thing you know you’re having issues with your account or worse your computer.
This is my cousin that I have only met for the first time. I wanted to take a photo of him in the most natural way possible. For some strange reason I just blurted out “Who’s your favorite superhero?” He said with a very big smile on his face “Ironman!”.
I went through some really dark times during my 5 year motorcycle experience. Most of those can be attributed to bad relationships with mechanics who brought me nothing but misery. It’s extremely hard to find reputable and trust worthy motorcycle mechanics. Most will start of being friendly, but later you realize that their sole intention is to milk you with your hard earned money.
As we head on leaving Mel, I noticed that Jaime was getting more and more confident riding the mud. She was slipping less, there are times wherein she didn’t even place her foot on the ground to maneuver. She was amazing to watch, given that this is her first time to ride trails.